Learning to listen to my body is a revolutionary act. I write in the present tense because every day—when I quiet my mind and tune in to the energies of my vessel—I learn something new about myself. Acknowledging the container where my heart is carried is as important as the mind that controls it and has been crucial in reconnecting my mind, body, and spirit.
As a child of sexual abuse, growing up queer and Brown in Australia was incredibly confusing. When my body began changing at 24 years-old, I panicked. I spent my early 20s straightening my hair, contouring my face, and tightening my bum. I did anything and everything to adhere to heteronormative beauty standards thrown in my face my entire life. When acne erupted across my face, shortly after clumps of my hair began falling out, I frantically searched for the answer to my physical problems.
What I discovered was a fear that was not my own. I internalized a conditioning that made me yearn to look like anyone but me. I began my healing journey last summer—accepting and learning to embrace the inevitable changes my body has made over the past two years. At 25, compassion for my body has allowed me to move away from a culture of "self care" that proliferates a more rigid, slender frame and often destroys body image.
Instead, I uplift all the ways my body is exemplary and distinct. It is not an easy path, to knowingly reject systems of wellness and beauty and strive to learn about the very specific modalities that work the best for me. Although along the way, with the assistance of healers and friends, I have garnered a deep relationship with my body which I believe everyone has the potential to achieve.
My skin began breaking out in the summer of 2019. After my first major break up, I spiraled. My alcohol and tobacco consumption was at an all time high and I was not paying attention to the foods entering my body. Every morning, I piled layers of foundation over my bumpy skin and aggressively popped white heads that creeped to the surface, only to wake up with a new layer the next morning. My heart was hurting, and my skin paid the price when I didn't attend to the needs of my body and spirit.
The science: A 2017 study in The Journal of Clinical and Aesthetic Dermatology found 45% of women between 21 and 30 experienced adult acne. Our menstrual cycle triggers a rise and fall in hormones and those who menstruate experience a surge of estrogen and progesterone. Combined with a lifestyle of heavy makeup, starchy diets, stress, and alcohol, a rise in hormones may lead to breakouts, according to the same study.
The spirit: If the mind, body, and spirit are one holistic unit, each aspect influences skin, skin disorders, and healing. Psychoneuroimmunology of the skin suggests the mind can influence the skin and skin disorders. Conversely, physical attributes of one’s own skin might contribute and be a reflection of one’s spiritual core. Commonly used boundary metaphors relating to the skin—"thin/thick skinned," and "under my skin"—sometimes include spiritual overtones, just as the image of shedding one’s skin suggests inner growth and transformation.
What worked for me: I had to recognize the state of my own spirit, and how my internal conflicts could be manifesting outwardly, to heal my skin. Learning to cleanse my face properly, day and night, applying sunscreen and working to understand the texture of my skin has been incredibly healing. To recalibrate my hormones, changes in my diet have been absolutely necessary. Along with staying hydrated and getting enough sleep, an anti-inflammatory diet free of highly processed foods and rich in healthy fats has transformed my complexion. Despite my South Asian culture, rich in spicy foods, I have had to completely cut out chili and excess spices. Using a gua sha regularly to massage my lymph nodes, and only washing my face in lukewarm water has also proved to restore the balance in my facial texture.
My hair began to fall out six months after moving to New York City. Hair balls would collect under my bed and strands lay scattered across my bathroom floor. Never too concerned about hair loss, as I don a thick head of curly hair, I only took my shedding seriously a year ago when I began to consider early balding.
The science: Maryann Mikhail, MD writes for GoodRx that, similar to acne susceptibility, hair loss in our 20s is usually a direct result of stress, dieting, and hormonal changes. Hair lives in a four step cycle. It grows, then rests, falls, and regenerates. The Harvard Business Review confirms stress levels drastically increase in the lives of 20-somethings. Stress, whether chronic or sudden, can slow down the hair cycle, prematurely pushing it into its rest phase. The good news is identifying stress patterns can result in regrowth within three to six months. Likewise, dieting and rapid weight loss can send your body into stress mode.
The yoyo of hormones can also contribute to hair loss. Whereas a surge of hormones can increase acne, a drop in estrogen, or hormone imbalances such as polycystic ovarian syndrome can lead to hair thinning.
What worked for me: While I experienced a surge and not a drop of hormones in my early 20s, managing and pinpointing stress significantly altered my hair-loss problem. Developing a practice of mindfulness and working on my anxiety through therapy had a direct correlation with the amount of hair I was losing. Incorporating more protein, iron, vitamins and fatty acids also helped strengthen my mane (though this may not be the case for everyone, and you should consult a doctor to discuss any potential deficiencies). I also put down the straightener a few years ago and vowed to only treat my hair with natural products.
Despite my many attempts to fit into too-tight Spanx and chisel my jaw line with contouring, my body has always been on the curvier side. My bum has always been round and my breasts have always hung heavy. In my early twenties, my belly began rounding out and my hips became wider. Even though I was adhering to a strict diet, I moved up a size and could not fit into clothes I bought under a year ago.
The science: While incremental weight gain may be common throughout all phases of life, in 2005, the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute found that young adults in their early to mid 20s are among the highest risk for increased weight gain.
What worked for me: Weight gain, particularly in the belly area, can be a result of chronic stress. Sticking to an exercise routine, along with a healthy diet, to focus on muscle strength allowed me to feel in control of my curves again.
One body change I embraced wholeheartedly was the regulation of my menstrual cycle. I spent my early 20s with unpredictably long cycles and extremely heavy flows. As I reached 25, my daily practice of yoga, tracking of the moon phases, and heightened body awareness aided a more regular flow.
The science: People with uteruses reach their peak fertility potential in their 20s. Menstruation also becomes more regular. Unfortunately, menstrual cramps may become especially painful too. This is because painful menstrual conditions, such as endometriosis, often occur around your 20s.
What worked for me: Making conscious decisions everyday regarding how I treat my body has alleviated a lot of the anxiety that comes with an ever-changing body. From the food I eat, to the time I sleep, learning to listen to exactly what my body wants and needs in every moment has resulted in the strengthening of my mind, body, spirit connection. Moving with the knowledge that in this life, I will only be graced with one body, and there is no body else like mine, brings with it a new appreciation and attention provided to my vessel. I encourage you to make time to tune into the rhythms of your physical being. Nurture this connection.
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American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Having a baby after age 35: how aging affects fertility and pregnancy. Updated December, 2021.
Cleveland Clinic. Endometriosis. Updated May 29, 2014.