I’ve never read the word schizophrenia in a makeup article before, but those two subjects both happen to be a huge part of how I present myself to the world. Lipstick isn’t just something that defines my thin lips; it is a piece of my treatment.
There are plenty of ways that schizophrenia makes me stand out from other people—being a voice hearer, having paranoia and social anxiety: These aren’t exactly things most people are used to dealing with. So personally, I’m not in the market for products that will make me more of the center of attention. Individuality is great and all, but my goal is simply to be someone others see as “put together.” For someone who deals with so many stereotypes, feeling like you “fit in” often just feels like a relief.
It is almost cliché to say that makeup is a mask between myself and the world, but on days where I am suffering from extreme anxiety, that is true.
Not a day that goes by where I don’t hear something derogatory about having a brain disease. For most people, it’s unconscious—just another harmless metaphor. People make jokes about the voices in their head arguing or claiming the “voices made me do it.” There are so many variations on the “voices” jokes. I also can’t flip through social media without reading the words “paranoia,” “deranged,” “lunatic,” etc. And I won’t even mention Halloween with all the haunted “asylums” and red-stained straight-jacket costumes labeled “psycho killer.” I don’t usually address all the characterizations and jokes about severe mental illness, because if I did, I wouldn’t have much time for anything else.
That’s part of the reason I live openly with my diagnosis—so I am always an example of what the illness is really like as opposed to the misconceptions about it. And I know it might sound simplistic to say that makeup—lipstick, mascara, eyeliner, and eye shadow—can help beat the stigma. But it can, and it does.
Many people with a mental illness have a difficult time keeping up with their hygiene; this can be particularly hard for people suffering from clinical depression, and it can also be a symptom of schizophrenia. It’s an issue of motivation, and I frequently struggle with a lack of motivation myself. For that reason, practicing a beauty routine isn’t always possible for me, but the days when it is are undoubtedly better.
It’s not that I’m not afraid to go to Starbucks or out to dinner without makeup. But I feel so much better if I take the time to apply color to my lips and eyes. It makes me feel “normal," especially after having gone public with my diagnosis three years ago.
Makeup helps me distance myself from any misconceptions they may have about what someone with schizophrenia looks like.
Original Illustration by Stephanie DeAngelis
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