There are practically no headlines that generate a reaction from me anymore. It’s like I’ve just become numb to the idea of them. “Mayan Calendar Predicts End of World This Week”, the New York Post wrote a few days ago. Okay, I believe that—next. “Murder Hornets Spotted in the U.S. for the First Time”, said CNN. Hmm, I wonder if there are any flying around people that I don’t like, I thought to myself. But yesterday I saw a headline that proved I’m not completely dead inside just yet: “Kanye West Files Trademark for New Yeezy Beauty Line." WHAT! I hadn’t been that surprised by my computer since it crashed during April the giraffe’s birthing stream. I was yelling questions at the screen like it owed me gambling debts. WHEN! HOW? WHY!
“Maybe he’s making men’s skincare,” my friend said. I went to the USPTO website to search for the new trademark. First, I noticed that the trademark “YEEZY FOR PRESIDENT 2020” was no longer active.
And then, there it was. Kanye’s new beauty line blueprints. “YEEZY”, standard characters, filed June 2, 2020. I combed through the laundry list of goods and services that consumers might be able to expect from Yeezy, a future direct competitor to KKW and Kylie Cosmetics (you can search the whole list here). Facial makeup, foundations, concealers, blushers, face and body glitter, hair dyes, nail polish, fragrance, pine cones, and even scented ceramic stones (which is something that I’m still trying to comprehend). I know that it’s standard for a brand to blanket a trademark over all conceivable products just in case, but I’ve been an overzealous consumer of beauty products since I was nine years old, and I have zero clue how or why someone would use a scented ceramic stone. What does it even look like? Do you rub it on your arms and legs like at a massage? Maybe you could throw it through the window of an ex-boyfriend who you hate, but still want to be with. Kind of like, “I want to smash your windows, but I’d still like to go on dates in the near or immediate future, so I want the rock to smell like that perfume you love.”
And while beauty is now the Kar-Jenner family business, I tend to reserve my tougher questions for people who don't use or wear makeup that decide to make makeup. How can someone tell me how to fix cake face when they’ve never caked a face?
Maybe this marks a forthcoming wave of men who have realized the vast potential profits in the beauty and wellness industry from their wives and sister-in-laws. Should we expect more business magnates spending long nights trying to formulate the perfect foundation with SPF that doesn’t pill and works with a widely inclusive shade range? Maybe more people will understand the complex nuances in finding makeup to suit everyone’s individual needs.
Perhaps my trepidations around “Conceezy” concealers and “Anti-Aging Eye Creezy” creams are completely unfounded. It may be better than just more conspicuous consumption from the family-cum-product machine. Maybe Kanye’s not trying to dictate how women should approach beauty, and he’s hiring a beloved makeup artist to create each product like Lady Gaga did, while he works on the neutral colored packaging in various mattes and shades of eggshell. It makes sense that Kanye would want his bathroom counter as monochromatic and wabi-sabi-designed as his home is. Drugstore brands notoriously use bright colors and patterns on their products so that they will stand-out to a consumer looking through shelves. A nude toothpaste tube devoid of branding actually sounds pretty nice to me.
There’s much to discuss, and while I might not love the idea of it right now, you can be I’m definitely still buying and trying all of it.