Faking a Detox: A 5-Step Guide

Cleanse—has there ever been a word that brings up so many conflicting emotions? On one hand, we like the idea of one—a reset, a detox to flush our systems of all the late-night Seamless orders. On the other hand, why does it have to be so hard? Anyone who’s ever attempted a cleanse—juice, raw food, vegan, organic, anything Gwyneth Paltrow–approved—can attest that by the start of day two, visions of cheeseburgers and fried anything start dancing through your head like demonic sugarplum fairies. Cleanses do have benefits, but being easy to incorporate and endure are not among them. That’s why we took it upon ourselves to put together this handy cheat sheet specifically for the detox-averse. Because you, too, can achieve the flushed, rosy cheeks, glowing skin, and slimmer physique of your cleanse-obsessed counterparts. You, too, can bask in the praise and questions of “Did you lose weight/get a facial/go on a juice cleanse?” from the lips of your awe-stricken co-workers. (The best response is to smile shyly—then Instagram the salad you’re having for lunch so everyone can see.)

Ready to fake your detox? Keep scrolling for the necessary steps.

Okay, we admit it—faking a vibrant visage only goes so far. To really reset your body (without hating your life), try this easy-to-follow three-day detox.