9 of the Goopiest Beauty and Wellness Products On Goop Right Now

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By now, you’ve probably heard of Goop from Netflix, Instagram, or that one friend everyone has that always seems just a little bit cooler than everyone else. If nothing else, though, you probably know that the wellness site is Gwyneth Paltrow’s brainchild—a combination of shoppable, clean beauty products, and off-the-wall, often expensive wellness tips and tricks. It’s all very trendy, and it’s often a little weird, too. But that’s part of what makes Goop Goop, and it’s also why people love it. For those looking for the newest, most unique wellness solutions when it comes to everything from makeup to sexual health, Goop is the place to go (if you can afford it, that is). Even if you can’t quite justify spending hundreds of dollars on special supplements, teas, or serums, Goop is still a pretty fun place to window shop virtually.

Plus, there are options available on Goop that are on the less expensive side of things. Take, for example, Cocofloss (my favorite floss of all time—a dental game-changer, really) that retails for less than $10. Sure, that’s expensive for floss, but it’s also less than most meals costs and will last you months. Something like aesthetically appealing coconut floss is what Goop’s all about, after all. It’s a little indulgent, but it’s also a small, fun way to treat yourself that is sure to make you feel good. But coconut floss only scratches the surface in terms of... um, opulent offerings that are available to shop on Goop. If you’re looking for some of the more options to scroll through, here are nine of the Goopiest things for sale on the site right now.

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This is a rose gold flask for perfume. It is $895. Yes, almost $1,000. But don’t worry, you can engrave it with your initials or a short message. May I suggest simply the question, “Why?” or the phrase “Yes, I am this rich.” If you’re wondering: Yes, it also does come pre-loaded with fancy perfume.

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For this one, I will leave you with the site description of the product, “Shake gently before each use. Spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not ingest or inhale.”

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Sure, the description of this makes it pretty clear as to why it’s sort of an odd option. A gold vibrator? Who needs that? Then... there is the price. It is $3,490. That is all.

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Meditation has been part of "living well" from the start (and apparently, it's very effective). Often, it's recommended you sit on something comfortable to help get you in the groove. At Goop, you can sit on something comfortable and very fancy. To be fair, it is really pretty and Byrdie wholeheartedly recommends meditation to help with physical and mental health.

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Forget the crystals. This is an $84 water bottle, people. Eighty-four American dollars. Personally, I am still processing this. That said, Byrdie did a little research on crystal-infused water to get the full low-down on what it does and how it works.

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This is the most wildly specific item I've ever seen, and it's actually pretty clever. Either way, it is very Goop. And foam-rolling is amazing.

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Want your kids to chill the f out? There’s a mist for that.

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So, this is a self-contained hybrid hydroculture that sits on your counter. And there's an app that lets you check on your plants when you're out of the house. I wish I was someone who would have an herb growing system in my kitchen, but I'm more of an "order takeout and sit on the couch" person. If you're into growing your own herbs, this seems to be the splurge.